i'm having a horrible time pulling myself together.

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i'm having a horrible time pulling myself together.

Post  oo ghost on Thu Aug 08, 2013 9:39 pm




TRALALALALALA.



She was afraid to stop running. Even if it didn't matter – Ghost had been traveling nonstop for days now. She was well out of her mother's reach now. No one could touch her. No one could hurt her. But just as a lifetime of being hidden away gave her the instinct for keeping out of sight, her constant fear continued to feed the panic that spurred her paws forward. It was her only companion and as a result, Ghost had learned to listen to it, whether it was ever warranted or not. Jahre (and it was Jahre to her, not mom) never exactly said why it was important for the child to stay hidden, but she was always desperately insistent. She was a ghost. She could not be seen. Which was odd – if she was a ghost who couldn't be seen, what was the point of staying hidden in her cave so far away from anyone else? It was true that Jahre could see her just fine, and the young wolf was never exactly sure why that was. What she did know is the way the older wolf looked whenever she reiterated the well known words that condemned Ghost from the outside world. Ghost was never quite sure how she felt about her mother – as a being who took care of her in the most basic means and nothing more. In spite of all this, the female did know that she was being told the truth when it came to the danger she could be in if she was seen. So she stayed.

She stayed for as long as she possibly could, overriding every instinct that told her to flee. Even when her stunted bones ached from crouching and her pale eyes yearned to see more than dim cave walls, Ghost Oriel forced herself to continue to lay low. And every whiff of fresh air that wafted into her hiding place tugged tantalizingly at her nose, a soft and muted whine slipping from between clenched teeth. She was told to stay. She had to. Her existence counted on that. And yet.....and yet, what kind of existence was a life spent in the dark? Whenever she did get a taste of the outside world, it was just a miniscule example of all that she was missing. She couldn't enjoy any of it. She spent her days alone in her thoughts, creating worlds inside her head, places she could escape to. She lived for the days when Jahre would take her outside for short trips. But none of it was enough. She endured a year and a half of this existence before finally committing herself to the ultimate decision. Her thoughts turned from worlds created in her imagination and onto the one right outside. She plotted. Gathered courage and waited. Finally, she moved.


Her pale form swept across the terrain, low to the ground and unsteady in its gait. She moved awkwardly, stumbling often over rocks and fallen trees. It was ironic, in a way – she had waited so long to be out in this world, yearning just to see more of it. And the young wolf couldn't bring herself to slow down enough to enjoy the sights. She had finally rid herself of that dark, horrible cave – the thing that she'd been afraid of all her life. And now as she fled, she found herself wishing she could huddle down within it, allowing its darkness to envelop her. It kept her safe. Out here, she was exposed and at risk. Jahre wasn't here to help her. She couldn't offer any advice, or at the very least – chasten Ghost with her usual refrain about keeping safe and quiet.


The young female traveled like this for days, stopping only when her muscles refused to let her move and further, collapsing whenever her legs gave out. She would whimper quietly to herself, her noises ringing loud in her own ears. She felt like a sitting duck, so exposed and so very afraid. Before she fell into troubled sleep, Ghost would drag herself to the nearest shelter she could find. She kept her eyes out for caves, preferring them over any other place to sleep. If she was in better shape and able to think clearly, the young female would have found the irony hysterical. This whole thing was supposed to be about escaping from her old prison, stepping out of the darkness and being reborn into the light – blah blah blah – and now she missed that horrible place. It offered her the only type of comfort she'd ever known. It was Stockholm Syndrome in the most awful way.  

When she wasn't sleeping off her exhaustion, the female spent her time searching for food. Jahre had always brought her food, always the bare minimum to keep her alive. Ghost was never sure whether this was purpose abuse, or simply an attempt to keep others in the dark. If a wolf was taking more than their share -  that would be noticed and questioned. Her mother used to make vague promises about teaching Ghost to catch food herself, but they were just that. Simple phrases and offers that were just that: something to distract and keep her wishes at bay. If it was going to happen sometime in the future Ghost didn't have to worry about it just then. But that was the problem with future promises – she sure as hell was worrying about those lessons now! It was impossible for the wolf to catch herself anything to eat. She wasn't even sure how she was supposed to go about doing it. Maybe if she actually got herself into the situation, instinct would take over – but Ghost didn't even know how to find the animals she needed to hunt! For the last few days she had managed to find scraps here and there – even managing to score a kill that had been abandoned for whatever reason. She'd rushed forward gratefully, eating until it felt as though her stomach might burst. For the first time she could ever remember, Ghost Oriel went to bed experiencing the satisfaction of a full belly.


Now – the trees blurred around her as she ran, an imposing wall of green that surrounded her. Her pale form faltered as she stumbled over a log. Her front legs crumpled and the air was forced out of her lungs. All was silent for a moment as she lay where she was, struggling to breathe easy. Her eyes rolled upward as she gazed at the canopy of trees above her. She listened as the sound of the forest quickly return to normal, animals returning to their own business. Ghost caught her breath again and slowly eased herself to he feet. Her legs were gangly and tall – supporting a frame that was merely skin and bones, her fur matted and unclean. It looked as though this pathetic creature was about to admire the view around her – finally take a break, maybe enjoy the afternoon. But the snapping of a branch elsewhere in the forest spooked her – a frightened ghost; and the wolf took off again.
                                                                                                                   

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Re: i'm having a horrible time pulling myself together.

Post  sherlock holmes on Mon Aug 12, 2013 8:03 pm


OKAY SO HIS BACK STORY IS A BIT NON-BELIEVABLE BUT I DON’T CARE. LET’S PRETEND IT IS.
ALSO PRETEND THIS IS UNDER ZANE'S PROFILE BECAUSE IT WON'T BLOODY LET ME REPLY WITH IT



Things had been tense for a while, and really Zane shouldn’t have been surprised by what had happened. In fact, he really should have seen it coming and he felt guilty as hell. The thing was, Merrick and Zane had never gotten along, especially after Merrick had become quite ill with a fever that had claimed their mother’s life when they were six months old. His father, already overcome with grief of the loss of his mate, had thought that his son wouldn’t make it, yet miraculously he had pulled through; he, however, was forever changed. There was a crazed look in his eyes that their father neglected to see; after all, who wanted to see the worst in one of their children? Their grief stricken father tried to do the best he could, but it was clear to Zane that he was going to have to step up and help look after the family.

Arya was the runt of the small litter and had always held a special place in Zane’s heart; especially after their mother had passed away, because Arya reminded Zane so much of their mother, both in personality and appearances. The two of them were inseparable and did everything together and it had only intensified after they had lost their mother; this relationship only seemed to infuriate Merrick. Merrick, on the other hand, had always been an odd pup, but when he had recovered from his fever, his personality had grew even more spiteful and cruel. He took pleasure in others sufferings and didn’t try to hide it. In his grief, their father neglected to notice anything was amiss. However, the thing that worried Zane the most, was the way Merrick looked at their sister. It was the look he would get when he was getting ready for a hunt and it put Zane on edge.

For eight long and stressful months, Zane tried to keep Arya away from Merrick. He was mostly successful, but there were times where he’d have to leave her alone and Merrick would strike. At first it would start small, snide comments that were as sharp as knives but then things would escalate- he’d start to flat out attack her, pleading to their father that they were merely rough housing when he was confronted, who was quick to take his side. He’d look at Zane at these times and give him such a disappointed look, like somehow it was his fault, no matter how much Arya argued that it was all Merrick’s doing. Although this left him bitter, Zane would square his shoulders and vow not to let it happen again.

No matter how much he tried, though, Merrick would always figure out ways to get to Arya, knowing that it was the best way to hurt his brother. While their father was away for a few days, doing god knows what, Zane had gone for a run to get rid of some pent up energy. He figured he was safe to do so, since Merrick hadn’t been seen for a day himself. Upon his arrival back to their territory, the first thing that Zane noticed was the heavy scent of copper that filled the air- like someone had just recently brought back a kill. He was immediately on edge, but deep down, he thought that maybe, maybe their father was returning to them and was actually being the parent he was supposed to be. However, what greeted his sight- his sister, laying still on the ground, her brown fur turned black with her blood.

His mind froze for a second before he rushed towards her, nudging her with his muzzle whispering a litany of no, no, nononononononono. She was supposed to have been safe. How could he have made such a fatal error, which had cost her her life? He was supposed to have protected her! A snap of a twig brought Zane out of his grief stricken thoughts and he quickly turned around to see Merrick saunter in, his black muzzle even darker with the stain of dried blood. He flashed a cruel smile, his teeth baring for Zane to see- in that moment, Zane didn’t even have to ask what had happened, it was written all over Merrick’s face.

In a flash of rage, Zane threw himself at his larger sibling, snapping and snarling and trying to inflict as much damage as he could. The fight ended fairly quickly, with Merrick on top of Zane, his jaws wrapped firmly around his throat. His muzzle stung from three large gashes as he lay on the ground, panting heavily as he waited for his brother to end it. However, to his surprise Merrick let go and stepped away. Not bad, little brother, he had muttered as he stopped a few feet away from the still body of Arya. Killing you would be so easy, but I think knowing you were suffering would be a much better payoff, don’t you think? What will daddy dearest think when he sees poor Arya? He’ll blame you, you know, because you weren’t here to protect her. Or maybe he’ll think you did it. Resentment over having had to look after her all this time, for not getting the recognition he should have been giving you, maybe? Why don’t you just do us both a favour, Zane, and leave. If you don’t, I promise you I will kill you.

Zane laid there for a silent moment, going over his options: he could attack his larger brother again, but he doubted he’d fare any better than his previous attempt, or, like the old cliché saying, he could run and live to fight another day. He felt terrible even doing it, thinking that he was failing Arya (even more than what he had already), but with a grief filled snarl, Zane ran. He ran like hell.

That had been a few months back, and while he had been plagued with the grief of losing his sister, he had been slowly getting better; mostly, he made himself look at the bright side of things and refused to become like his father. He was so used to looking after his family that he was at a loss as to where to go or what to do, but he was finally away from the suffocating fear that his brother caused. He was still riddled with guilt and grief, but he kept telling himself that Arya wouldn’t have wanted him to become like their father.

For every mile he put behind him, he hoped to feel better. It sort of worked, but some days were definitely harder than others. Today, however, was a good day. He found himself deep in a strange forest, full of lush trees and wildlife. At the sight of some fleeing rabbits, it occurred to the large male that he hadn’t eaten in a while. He narrowed his eyes in the direction of the fleeing rabbits and made up his mind- after he finished his run, he’d go hunting.

The trees blurred by as he ran, not caring that he was making a racket and scaring off all of the wildlife; after all, he had plenty of time to hunt and he wasn’t all that hungry at the moment anyways. With his tongue lolling to the side as he ran, Zane took a sharp right that he came to regret as he came almost immediately upon a moving white figure in the opposite direction. In an attempt to not have a head on collision, Zane threw himself bodily to the right, unfortunately catching the stranger at the last second sending them both tumbling to the forest ground.

The fall caused all of the air to escape Zane’s lungs and it took a moment for him to catch his breath before he could pick himself up. With a quick shake of his fur, he turned around and looked at the wolf he had collided with. I am so sorry! I hope I didn’t hurt you.


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Re: i'm having a horrible time pulling myself together.

Post  oo ghost on Tue Aug 13, 2013 11:35 pm




I LIKE POSTING, YES I DOOO. I LIKE POSTING HOW 'BOUT YOUUU?



She hadn't even seen him coming. For a few frantic seconds, Ghost didn't know who or what had hit her. Panic coursed through her veins and she struggled to make sense of what was happening. How was it even possible?! She'd been running along, spooked by the noise from earlier – and positive she was running in the direction away from danger. And then out of nowhere, the pallid female was knocked off her feet. A horrified noise whistled from between her teeth, a pathetic cross between a wheeze and a gasp of fear. She had no idea how this was happening. Why this was happening. Then came the most astounding occurrence of all – the wolf who she collided with addressed her. Ghost's wheezing fell silent and she scrambled to her oversized paws, backpedaling wildly. Her eyes were wide with disbelief and she found herself unable to look the male in his eyes. If she hadn't been so afraid for her life, the whole situation may have been funny. Maybe it even was from his perspective. As for Ghost, she was trying to reconcile the last year and a half of her life with this new situation. Either this guy was someone like Jahre, or Ghost's mother was a big fat liar. The young female didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to react. Dimly, she was aware of what the stranger had said – an earnest apology blatant with remorse. Ghost's ears twisted as she considered these words – a nice summary of her life so far. Sorry. Without any warning, a hysterical laugh erupted from her chest. She fell backwards, still off balance and her impact with the ground punctuated that off kilter giggle. Maybe she wasn't okay. Did she have brain damage?


It took Ghost a few moments to gather herself enough in order to reign in her laughter. A moment or two more and suddenly she was very grave indeed. A shadow overcame the female's pale blue eyes and she glanced uncertainly at the wolf before him. Now that she was almost over her initial befuddlement, Ghost found herself capable of looking directly at the male. He was an attractive mixture of grays and browns, solid looking. What she noticed most though, was the air of kindness that the other wolf seemed infused with. As if it was his nature. He was large – massive to her. Then again, this fellow was only the second wolf Ghost had ever seen in her life, so she wasn't exactly sure how big others would consider him. To her though, he was a giant. She took a deep, shuddering breath and finally managed to make eye contact – if only for a second. She wasn't entirely sure why, but she liked what she saw. His eyes were a warm gold, a hue that reminded her of comfort and safety. It was a struggle to look away, but eventually she did – her nerves overriding her sudden fascination.


A little over five minutes had passed and Ghost had yet to say anything. A part of her wondered if she even should....or even could. It was all so confusing for her – and Ghost had already started her day feeling very lost. Was this even happening? Or had she finally cracked? It was bound to happen, wasn't it? After all, if you spent all your time alone wouldn't it make sense for your mind to attempt some kind of coping mechanism? How could she even be sure that this wolf before her was real? He was probably a figment of her desperate imagination. She had probably run into a tree or something and this was all a result of a very painful concussion. So what happened now? It felt rude to ignore the stranger...but wasn't that the difference between sanity and craziness? The hallucination could speak to her all it wanted. The problem only became worse when she actually answered it. That meant you were effectively talking to yourself. Then again, how was that any different from her usual days? She'd spent so much time alone, her only option was to speak out loud to herself or not use her voice at all for up to weeks. And was this so bad? At least it was a change from everything else. She'd take a figment of her imagination over the crippling loneliness any day. That being said, she still had to address what exactly happened. How it happened. Real or not, she hoped that this guy would have answers to her awkwardly put questions.


The gangly wolf propped herself up again, slouching slightly in order to hide her pathetic state. Jahre used to complain about how bad Ghost looked all the time. And the young female could never understand why – she would complain and cast aspersions while conveniently ignoring the fact that it was all her doing. Ghost wasn't entirely sure how she was supposed to look, but she knew she was a far cry from Jahre's shape, not to mention the fellow in front of her now. She really was a pathetic sight. She was embarrassed. Her gaunt face turned up to his and finally Ghost found herself able to speak. How.....how can you see me? I don't understand. Her words were soft and uncertain and the last sentence was heavy with sadness and defeat. She was so lost  in this world; so completely out of her depth. She didn't know the first thing about surviving in it. Maybe this stranger could help. She saw him as a lifeline amongst the stormy seas. The female fell silent and waited for an answer, trying very hard not to cry.
                                                                                                                                                           

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Re: i'm having a horrible time pulling myself together.

Post  zane tialys on Wed Aug 14, 2013 11:18 pm


I am fairly certain I am on crack.



Zane’s small smile that had graced his lips at his embarrassed apology fell away as he watched the wolf before him scramble to her feet and look towards him – towards, not at him, Zane noticed – and he felt ten times worse- it appeared that he had scared the living daylight out of the wolf. Although, he hadn’t terrified her enough to make her completely bolt off but… she could be too terrified to move to do just that. Before Zane could apologize again, however, the white female began to laugh. Oh, God, I’ve gone and broken her, Zane thought to himself, Way to go, Tialys, the first wolf you’ve encountered in a while and you go and break her. Smooth.

The moment the female – and he’d have to ask her what her name was, because he couldn’t keep referring to her as The Female – tipped over and began to laugh anew, Zane took an instinctive step forward before he stopped himself. He knew he was larger than the average wolf, but compared to the stranger, he was practically gigantic and he didn’t want to startle her any more than what he already had. Instead, he placed himself in a relaxed position on his chest, front paws crossed over one another in an attempt to make himself appear less threatening and smaller than what he actually was. He had a feeling it would be a waiting game to have a conversation with this wolf, but for some reason it was one that Zane was willing to play. True, the large male was used to patiently waiting tension out- there were often times when he would have to patiently wait for Arya to calm down before she would confide in him her latest nightmares or latest fears.

Deciding to keep quiet while the female collected herself, Zane casually looked her over and kept an open and friendly look on his face, less he give the impression that he was being a creep; he didn’t want to really scare her away, especially after he had so rudely crashed into her. She was definitely malnourished (Zane had to fight off the immediate response to go offer to find her something to eat. Who in their right mind let a stranger bring them food and willingly ate it? For all she knew, Zane could have been a predator, preying on other wolves.. no, he mentally shook himself, don’t go there, it was still too early to be joking about things like that) and as a result hadn’t grown into her paws. He assumed she naturally had white fur, but it was matted and full of dirt and twigs, like she’d been running for a while and hadn’t bothered with personal grooming. Most would be put off by an appearance like this, but Zane found himself intrigued; oddly enough, he wanted to get to know this strange wolf.

Soon, the laughter fell away and still the wolf did not talk, but Zane found that he didn’t truly mind; it was a bit awkward, yes, but almost pleasant in a I-don’t-know-you-but-I’m-still-just-going-to-lay-here-and-wait-for-you-to-speak way. There was an improvement though, Zane noticed, as she finally looked directly at him and the large male found himself reflexively giving her a gentle smile. He wasn’t sure if it was the smile that did it, or just really good timing, but shortly after that the female finally spoke and what came out made Zane frown in confusion. How could he see her? That just… didn’t make any sense. But the way the words were spoken, full of such defeat and sadness, broke Zane’s heart. Opening his mouth, he paused a moment wondering how on earth he was supposed to respond to a question like that,. Well, you’re standing right there for one thing, and I’d say that you’d be hard to miss but… I did just collide right into you. Sorry about that, again. Are you sure I didn’t hurt you? he frowned with a look of concern on his face before remember that he had yet to introduce himself. Oh, I’m Zane, by the way. Late introduction, I know but… I suppose it couldn’t have been helped.


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Re: i'm having a horrible time pulling myself together.

Post  oo ghost on Mon Sep 02, 2013 6:03 pm


NO LAUGHING AT HOW DISJOINTED THIS IS.

This stranger's kindness was hurting Ghost in a way she couldn't entirely understand. His easy thoughtfulness was giving the female a glimpse of a new perspective she was never aware existed. If this stranger could be so kind and gracious to a wolf he barely knew, what did that say about Jahre? She was Ghost's mother. Her own flesh and  blood – Ghost was a part of her, someone she was supposed to love unconditionally and without reservation. And yet she barely gave her daughter a second thought, unless it was to dream up a new way to torture her. She was content to give Ghost the bare minimum – just enough to carry on, and even that was offered with a heart breaking reluctance. And at the time, Ghost loved her for it. She clung desperately to any miniscule thing Jahre was willing to throw her way, working tirelessly to make it seem like affection. She spent her life starving for so many things: food, sunlight. Happiness. Company and acknowledgment. Most of all, love. Back in those caves, every one of those things were out of her reach. So she finally escaped – and this was what made for a fantastic summation of her entire life. In one meeting, in a single part of a conversation Zane had inadvertently shown Ghost more kindness than she'd ever experienced in her entire existence. She realized this as she watched the large wolf before her, pale eyes hungrily taking in his smile. In that instant, Ghost became overwhelmed by the urge to never leave his side. It didn't matter that he probably thought she was insane. It didn't matter that she resembled a drowned rat. And it certainly didn't matter that he may not have any interest in a friendship with her. He probably felt every one of these things - but he was still being incredibly kind to her.  How could she not want to spend time with him?


Ghost experienced a moment of panic when Zane's smile melted away. It took her a second to realize why he was reacting in such a way. She'd been too busy thinking of everything that had happened in the past few weeks – her fear that mingled with her triumph at escaping, her anger toward Jahre and her endless confusion over what was happening now. And his kindness – she was thinking about that, too. The way his gold eyes warmed as he grinned. These thoughts crowded her mind, pushing out what had happened literally seconds before. Her question. Ghost's eyes widened in embarrassment and she looked around, as though there might be a place for where she could bury herself. Her humiliation grew as he actually took the time to answer her asinine query. He was taking it seriously! He was considering his words carefully, working hard not to embarrass or scare her. It was at this point that Ghost nearly lost it. She had been desperately trying to avoid eye contact with her savior, too embarrassed to elaborate on her question. The female realized now just how insane it sounded – of course she wasn't a ghost. Everything she knew was a lie – and Jahre had been the puppet master. And coming to terms with everything was going to be difficult indeed – but it wasn't something she needed to do right now. It certainly wasn't something she could possibly do in front of this kind stranger. But here she was, asking stupid questions and struggling to keep up with each epiphany that knocked her off her feet. She was dragging him into it, and as confused as he was, Zane was allowing himself to be pulled along. He was even working to help her make sense of everything!


The female listened intently to Zane's response. Her gaze had been glued to the ground, eyes cast downward in her embarrassment. But as she listened to the male's words, they slowly rose before settling on his own. Their pale depths were wide and watery, tears pooling before running silently down her face. The male's introduction at the end earned a querulous smile. She appreciated his answer, the little joke he offered up as well. Most of all, Ghost was amazed that he managed to keep himself from laughing at her. But how long was that going to last? Especially now. He gave her his name and what did she have to offer in exchange? Jahre never bothered giving her daughter a proper name. And it wasn't as though the female needed one – when was she ever going to interact with any other wolves? She referred to herself as Ghost for obvious reasons. But the female felt no emotional attachment to the title. If anything, it was a descriptor, not a name. Once again, her old friend panic seeped into her bones. As Zane waited patiently, the female remained quiet. From the beginning, she knew that she couldn't settle with just Ghost. It didn't matter what she referred to herself as. What mattered was how Zane saw her.  A moment of silence passed between the two before Ghost came up with her answer. It was probably insane, but the female knew what she needed to do. She didn't know who Zane was – his story or where he came from. But if he had known her anything in the past little while, it was that she could trust him. He wouldn't laugh at her, no matter what she said. He would see just how vulnerable she was and he would react appropriately. So the female took a deep breath, and gave the male a glimpse of just how pathetic her world really was. I'm....I don't...Jahre never exactly gave me a name. I don't know who I am. She trusted him not to laugh at her – but that didn't make this admission any easier to say out loud. It hurt, and immediately after saying it, Ghost had to fight to urge to run. A soft whimper escaped, and the female began shaking uncontrollably. As much as she loathed the place, the haggard wolf found herself wishing desperately for the darkness and anonymity of her cave.                                                                                              

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Re: i'm having a horrible time pulling myself together.

Post  zane tialys on Sat Sep 07, 2013 10:59 pm


I AM GOING TO KILL THIS MOTHER FUCKING FLY.



Zane felt a small sense of victory when he began to notice the female’s eyes slowly begin to rise from their focus of the ground. The moment their eyes met, he gave her one of his best soft and natural smiles, a silent way of saying “Well done, you. See? It’s not so bad; I’m not all big and scary.” The moment he saw the tears welling up in her eyes, though, it caused his heart to ache. He didn’t even know her and Zane found that he just wanted to go over to her and comfort her (and he could hear a faint whispering of Merrick’s voice, telling him how strange and soft he was). However, the thing about meeting someone for the very first time was that you never knew how you could act around them. You didn’t know if they appreciated a small nuzzle of comfort, or if they would appreciate a joke, or if they would prefer you to stay quiet and just offer a silent support. It left you blind, not knowing which direction you needed to take in order to avoid disaster.

When the female finally spoke and informed Zane that Jahre hadn’t bothered to give her a proper name. Although he didn’t exactly knew who Jahre was, he had a strong hunch that it was the female’s mother; he also had a strong feeling that he wanted something terrible to happen to her (and little did he know, that as soon as he learned the whole story, he would wish that even more). What sort of mother didn’t want to name their own child, especially since they obviously had some form of interactions? It was enough to set Zane’s teeth on edge.

Before he had any time to even think of anything to say to her, Zane heard her whimper and his golden eyes picked up on the tears gathering in her eyes and the sudden uncontrollable shaking. Without any second thought, Zane picked himself off of the ground and went straight towards the female. Screw this whole I Don’t Know You business, Zane thought to himself as he gently nudged the smaller female under her chin before gently licking away the silent tears. Shhhh, it’s alright now, it’s okay now. It was at that moment that he finally realized how close he was to the female, so he stepped back to give her some space and gave her a sheepish smile. He awkwardly cleared his throat before he spoke again, I can help you figure out who you are, if you’d like.

Zane had thought that it would have been difficult for him to get close to someone again, after what had happened with his family, but there was just something about this stranger that made him want to help her. He wasn’t sure if it was because she reminded him so much of Arya and because of that, it was like he was suddenly given this second chance- this chance to try to help someone else, where he had failed once before. Whatever the reason, he truly wanted to get to know this wolf better and to help her.

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Re: i'm having a horrible time pulling myself together.

Post  oo ghost on Sun Sep 08, 2013 6:26 am


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Ghost felt as though she was experiencing emotional whiplash. She was suffering through dramatic highs and lows, unable to pinpoint a single feeling long enough to fully acknowledge it. One moment she was overwhelmed by a triumphant euphoria that threatened to keep her laughing for hours, and the next she felt herself plunge to a devastating low. She was torn between a weird sense of pride for being capable of escaping her personal hell, while also being tortured by the thought of disappointing Jahre. What did her mother think of her now? How had she reacted when she arrived at the cave to find Ghost gone? Was she happy that her burden had finally departed? Or was she angry? Ghost desperately wished that she didn't care what her mother thought, but the concern was there and it was tripping her up. She felt punch drunk and was acutely aware of just how insane she probably looked to Zane. But he was still here. He hadn't turned away and left her. He didn't promise her that he'd be back really soon before disappearing for weeks. He didn't make vague promises about what they could do together in the future and then never mention them again. He was just there. And when he offered her that comforting smile, Ghost knew that as afraid as she was right now, leaving that Godforsaken cave was the best thing she had ever done. And it just might be all worth it, if it meant meeting him. Taking in that smile gave Ghost a boost of bravery – she could handle what was going to be thrown at her. It would be hard, and maybe even seem impossible sometimes, but if he was with her...well, she could do anything.

But how much of her story was he willing to cope with? Telling him of her problems would be lifting her own burden, but they would settle on his shoulders and become something he had to deal with. He looked strong and capable – but what of his story? Did he have any secrets or troubles that kept him awake at night? Was she strong enough to take up his burdens? She knew immediately that she wasn't. Not yet. And this brought on a fresh new wave of tears. Their entire acquaintance had lasted less than an hour so far and already she knew she couldn't be without him. She also knew that she would never be good enough for him. If she was kind and strong, she would turn and run away. Spare him the troubles she'd most certainly cause him at some point down the line. But she was transfixed – anchored by the warmth that emanated from him. She wanted to earn his smiles. She wanted him to earn her smiles. But would it ever be that easy?

For Zane it really did seem that simple. He wasn't afraid of her issues. He didn't seem to care that she would probably cause him more problems than anything else. He saw that she was hurt – and all he wanted to do was help her out, make her feel better. It didn't matter that she was a crazy stranger with ridiculous fur. He looked beyond those dirty mats and sunken skin. She knew this because as soon as she uttered her pathetic truth and succumbed to the grief that rose up within her, he did the best possible thing. He comforted her. Ghost's initial reaction was horror – as he moved toward her she had the irrational fear that he was closing in order to strike her, just as Jahre always did whenever she made too much noise. The ragged female cringed and shrunk back, about to cry out. But instead of sharp pain, she felt something else. His muzzle brushed hers gently, just enough pressure for her to lean into. He ignored the fact that her fur was disgusting and smelly. Far from it – Zane licked her tears away. His soft nudges straightened out the wrinkle of consternation on her forehead. Ghost had never been comforted in her life. And maybe this was how it felt between everyone – but instead of feeling the sting of rebuke, Ghost felt the cessation of pain altogether. As though she was suffering all along, and all that was needed was the contact of someone like Zane. She was overcome and was bitterly disappointed when her new friend pulled away in order to give her some room. Don't leave me! She cried inwardly, biting her tongue to keep it silent. She wanted to move toward him, to cut down the distance he put between the two of them. Then he spoke, sending her heart into overdrive once again.

His words were so soft and kind. He wanted to help her find herself. It was noble and kind – but all she could think of was how glad she was that she had found him. And maybe, if he stuck with her, she wouldn't need anything else. She wouldn't need the comfort of her old cave – he could protect her. Ghost realized (even at that early stage) how dangerous and selfish this all was. Her heart wasn't very strong, and allowing him to piece it back together would have irreversible effects. But just now, she didn't care. She wanted to tell him everything. About the darkness that threatened to over come her, the cold indifference of her mother and the fear that was constantly pounded into her thanks to Jahre's never ending refrains. She didn't know where to start – but it was a beginning, and Ghost clung on to that. Maybe at some point what she said would become too much for Zane and he'd run away. She might drive him away eventually, but for now his presence was all she needed. The female wanted to tell him just how important he was to her, this early on – already. But something warned her from saying it out loud, so instead she filled the silences with everything but what she wanted to say most.

She said I couldn't be seen. That I always had to stay hidden, that I could never ever talk to anyone else. She said I was a ghost. So that's what I call myself. Ghost. I don't really like it, but what else could I call myself? There was no one to call my anything anyway. So that's what I became. She bowed her head, ears flat against her skull. Was this what it was like with every wolf? Is this how interaction made you react? Maybe Jahre was right to protect her from such things. The desperate need that was growing inside of her was beginning to alarm Ghost. She vowed never to let Zane know just how much she needed him. Even if they became the best of friends. He didn't deserve such a burden. She tried to remain calm and indifferent to him, but the hunger in her eyes gave her away. She'd been stuck in the dark for so long, and within an hour of meeting him, Zane Tialys had become her personal sun.

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Re: i'm having a horrible time pulling myself together.

Post  zane tialys on Mon Sep 23, 2013 9:56 pm


Okay, so he decided to finally talk to me a little bit. I’m sorry it’s short, though!.



Zane smiled encouragingly at the female in front of him while he waited patiently for her to decide if she wanted to respond or not; he wasn’t going to force her into saying anything she wasn’t comfortable with. He got the impression that she didn’t have a lot of conversations with anyone and his heart ached a little bit at the thought of that- no one should be deprived of socialization if it wasn’t their choice. Once her words started to pour out, Zane flattened his ears in anger at the thought of Jahre – her mother - treating her daughter like that before he straightened them again and gave her an apologetic smile, lest she thought he was directing the anger at her (and God, that wasn’t what that had been about and he hoped desperately that she hadn’t taken it in such a way). Zane couldn’t imagine a parent being so terrible to their child that they told them that they technically didn’t exist. Sure, his father had technically been as negligent in his own way, but he had been there in presence if nothing else- besides, he hadn’t been alone.  

You’re no Ghost, and I don’t think you ever should have been one. He desperately wanted to tell her how sorry he was that her supposed mother had neglected her so terribly, but he honestly couldn’t think of anything other than ‘I’m sorry,’ and somehow those words just seemed pointless; they wouldn’t change what had happened in her past, and they definitely wouldn’t help her. Instead, he ploughed on and did something that would help her, help her move forward and live the life that she so desperately deserved. He titled his head slightly, gazing at her while he thought of a name he could suggest and then he nodded ever so slightly (mostly to himself) as he settled on a name. How about Jane? I think you could very well be a Jane.

It was strange, Zane thought to himself, how much he wanted to help this wolf (Ghost, his mind supplied). He had vowed not to let himself get into a position where he could let someone down as bad as he had let Arya down. Everything in his head was saying that his instinct should be to turn around right now and leave this wolf, not to let her get her hopes up only for him to disappoint and let her down. He should be running right now, to live as a hermit (and how strange was it that he had met a wolf who had been forced to live in seclusion, whereas Zane had been seriously thinking about looking into it) but the tri-coloured wolf found that he desperately wanted to stay, to try to help her. Ghost didn’t just need him, but Zane needed her as well; perhaps both of them could save each other.

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