late this afternoon i heard your voice, for the first time in what felt like years

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late this afternoon i heard your voice, for the first time in what felt like years

Post  Dahmer Oriel on Tue Sep 23, 2014 9:54 am


.........MOTHER FUCKER, I LOGGED INTO THE WRONG ACCOUNT AGAIN.

Ghost had spent the majority of her life trapped in a dark and stifling cave. She had nothing but the weak sunlight that managed to trickle its way into her prison from the opening that was always too far away. There was also the vague promise of a visit from Jahre, but who counted that?
 The only way to mark the passage of time was to watch her light slowly recede throughout the day until it disappeared entirely and the crickets began to chirp and sing their nightly chorus. This was around the same time Ghost began to lose her fight not to cry. She would lean herself up against the cold rock wall, pushing her forehead into the hard surface as she struggled to keep the tears at bay. It never worked. The nights were long and difficult. They always were. What little sleep she managed to steal was restless and plagued by nightmares filled with sun beams and mothers that never returned. She always woke well before dawn and would spend hours just staring in the direction of the cave's opening, terrified that the light wouldn't arrive. Somehow, miraculously, it always did. But the hours she spent waiting for the morning to come were the longest and most painful of Ghost's life....until now.

It had been almost three weeks since Ghost had seen Zane.  With every day that crawled by, time seemed to pass slower than the twenty four hours before. Being trapped in that cave was nothing  in comparison – this was agony. It was difficult for the female to stick to the promise she had forced herself to make that morning. She had vowed not to bother Zane, not to push him any further when it came to her friendship or anything else she might want. She slipped up a few times, making it all the way to the entrance to his home before reason managed to take hold and the skinny female fled, berating herself every step of the way. Once or twice she even called out for him, but he never answered. Those days were tough. It was entirely possible that Zane just wasn't home, but a large part of Ghost was convinced that the male definitely was home and just had no interest in speaking with her. She could imagine him cringing away from the den's opening, sticking to the shadows and trying desperately not to make any noise. He'd breathe a huge sigh of relief whenever she gave up and went away. But just to be safe, she just knew he'd stay still for an extra ten or so minutes, just to play it safe before emerging cautiously to see that the coast was clear. It was so easy for her to picture this, so easy to convince herself that this was what really happened whenever she did manage the courage to get that close. It made the most sense. If he wanted her in any way (be it as a friend, acquaintance or more), he wouldn't have left her in the first place! She had her chance and she had blown it by asking for too much, too soon. Now she just had to deal with the fallout. And yet...

On some days she'd swear she could smell him. The first time it was like a punch to the gut, almost taking her paws right out from under her. It was early morning and she had been on her way to visit Dahmer and Sherlock.
 Her best friend's partner had been a lot more amicable since the disaster Dahmer had walked in on. Ghost had a feeling that the massive male had spent the time she was passed out on their couch lecturing his mate on using friends as subjects in her experiments. From then on, Sherlock was openly kinder to Ghost whenever she visited. It couldn't have come at a better time – Ghost didn't know what she'd do without those visits. If Dahmer wasn't there to encourage (or force, really) her to get out and visit, she figured she'd go insane. Although it may have already been too late.
Ghost had stepped outside and sprung forward, taking a deep breath before running to her friend's in the warm summer morning's air. When the scent hit her she almost buckled, ears flying back, eyes wide with surprise. She wheeled around frantically, gaze raking the trees as though she'd turn to find Zane just to her left, hanging out in a tree. The bedraggled wolf's heart pounded in her chest, her eyes narrowed almost into slits as she perused the area around her home. Aside from the usual morning hustle and bustle, Ghost had no visitors. She would have left it at that, attributing finding his scent to her overactive imagination, wishful thinking or oncoming insanity – but a few days later it was there again. She was returning from a walk with Dahmer and his scent immediately caught her attention. It had poured the night before as well, so she knew it wasn't just lingering from when Zane was a regular visitor. So what did it mean? She had no idea.

And now days later, Ghost still didn't have any answers. Trying to force herself to think of other things was impossible – her mind was on a constantly looping track and there was no way for her to skip to another song. It would be hilarious, she thought drily as the climbed the outcropping of rocks, if it wasn't so fucking pathetic. The self deprecating smirk slid off her face and was replaced with something a little more grim and the halfling turned her entire attention to the task at hand.
 The sun dipped behind the early evening clouds and the waves crashed against the shore below her. Ghost pulled herself up and over the top of the rock, a little clumsy but still managing a bit of the technique Dahmer had showed her (even Sherlock had shown some interest in training Ghost in some aspects of their old craft). While the halfling form was definitely suited for sprinting and running, it didn't allow for fully developed claws and that made climbing a bit more difficult. But Ghost wasn't willing to attempt a full shift yet – she just couldn't. So instead she enjoyed the thrilling speeds her new form was capable of, and marvelled at the small amount of dexterity her shifted paws afforded her.

The ruffled and too-skinny wolf sat back, setting her pack aside as she turned to face the water. A cool ocean breeze teased her slightly yellowing fur and gulls cried as they wheeled overhead. Without seeming to realize it, the female had gathered a pile of rocks around her and there she sat: leaning slightly forward, legs hanging off the edge of her perch. Her gaze remained blue and steely. It was focused on the water and did not waver even slightly as she slowly and methodically began throwing rocks into the frothy depths below. Her throws were clumsy and off at first, but over the next hour or so she persevered, never pausing (unless it was to replenish her arsenal) until eventually, her aim was true. And even then she continued, her features becoming more and more grim as though they were cut from stone. She became more and more intent on her task, convinced she'd be able to throw a rock all the way across the ocean if she really focused. But it didn't matter. No matter how hard she threw herself into what she was doing, her thoughts were always elsewhere, always on him.
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Re: late this afternoon i heard your voice, for the first time in what felt like years

Post  zane tialys on Wed Oct 08, 2014 10:41 pm


but the truth is that i've never fallen so hard.



Zane lay in his den, thoughts of the last encounter he had had with Ghost and how disastrous it had turned out. He couldn’t help but think that it was his fault that Ghost had left early in the morning after the storm. It made him feel terrible that he had left her, but he had assumed she had left because she was embarrassed about the entire situation. So he had let a few days go by so things wouldn’t be so raw for Ghost and then went to search her out. He’d gone to her den a few times to discover that she wasn’t home, and would linger in hopes she would show up but would eventually leave after becoming discouraged. Some days he would get to her place and find her scent and Dahmer’s scent mingled, like he had spent the previous day sitting with her. On a few of those occasions when he got home, he could have sworn that he could smell Ghost around his den but would convince himself that he was just imagining it, calling it wishful thinking. So instead, he would go back into his den and spend the evening alone.

The last three weeks of missed meetings with Ghost was breaking Zane’s heart; he had grown to love spending time with her and was missing her terribly. He had known from their first meeting that she was something special, had felt a connection with her that had only grown stronger the more they had spent together. He had been meaning to say something to Ghost for a while, to confess his feelings but always grew too self-conscious, but each time he went to approach the subject he would freeze, afraid that Ghost would tell him that he was sweet but she didn’t feel the same way he did.

Three weeks and finally Zane had decided enough was enough. No more missed meetings, no more avoidance. He was going to get down to the bottom of this situation and figure it out- and if it meant that he would discover that Ghost didn’t want to see him again, then at least he would get some sort of closure, even though it would devastate him and hurt like hell.
So with his mind made up, Zane set out into the late afternoon sun and made his way to Ghost’s door. He could feel himself becoming anxious with each step closer he got to his destination, not exactly sure what he would do the moment he got face to face with Ghost. He figure he would have to wing it, unsure of how Ghost would react when she saw him. The moment he got to Ghost’s den he scratched at the door and called out for her. When no noise came from within, no sound of scrambling to answer the door or even to hide he realized that she wasn’t at home. Zane stepped back from the door and took a look around the clearing, wondering what his next move should be. He could stay and wait for her to return home or he could try to locate her. He stayed motionless for a moment and then made up his mind- he’d go searching for her and if he couldn’t find her, then he’d return to her den and wait for her there.

With his mind made up, Zane set off towards the west, following the strongest scent he could find. He had half a mind to try to locate Dahmer and ask if he knew where Ghost was but something held him back- he knew that Dahmer had spent a lot of time with Ghost in her den during the last few weeks and wasn’t fully convinced Dahmer would tell him where she was if she wasn’t spending time with him. Dahmer was incredibly protective of Ghost, so much to the point that he may not even tell him where Ghost was even if she was in the same room as him. So to save himself from an awkward and embarrassing encounter, Zane decided to just look for her on his own.

Zane was thankful that it seemed that Ghost had stayed close to home for the last few days, since it was making the scent trail easier to follow. It was still painstakingly slow and Zane found himself coming up to dead ends and found himself having to either back track on several occasions or to just blindly carry on. The moment the large male found himself near the beach he nearly lost the scent but decided to search the beach in a hope that the water was just muting Ghost’s scent. He emerged from the thinning forest and walked on to the rocky sand, eyes scouring the horizon for Ghost’s familiar form.

It didn’t take long before he found her, the only other occupant on this stretch of beach. She was perched on a high rock near the water, throwing rocks into the water and watching them skip. He stood silently on the beach, his paws on the sand and watched Ghost throw rock after rock into the waiting water. He was transfixed, taking in every detail about the wolf that stood before him, like it was possibly going to be the last time that he saw her. Zane noticed that her once brilliant white fur was now dull and had a vague yellowish tone to it and he wondered if she had been as lonely as he had during their silences. The sight gave him a guilty sort of hope- because maybe, just maybe, she missed him as much as he missed her.
Zane mentally shook himself and made his way slowly towards where Ghost stood, her intense concentration on the rocks and ocean taking all of her attention that she failed to notice him approaching. He stopped a few feet away from her, the salty breeze ruffling their furs. He stayed quiet for another moment, the only sound between them was the ocean moving in front of them and the occasional bird crying out. With his heart in his throat, Zane finally broke the silence as he offered his friend a nervous smile, Hey Jane.

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Re: late this afternoon i heard your voice, for the first time in what felt like years

Post  oo ghost on Wed Oct 15, 2014 12:05 am


-----

For the first time in a while, Ghost paused what she was doing in order to cast a worried look at the sky. The sun was almost entirely behind the horizon, its golden glow beckoning at her from behind the mountains in the distance. A soft whine slipped from between her teeth and the halfling's claws clenched unconsciously at the rock in her hand. A wild urge welled up from within her, possessing the young female with the irrational need to somehow follow the sun, to chase it across the sky. Or at least find some way to bottle some for now, to give her a way to make it through one more night. Even before the evening had fully set in enough for the darkness to completely take over, Ghost knew that tonight was going to be hell. Her forlorn whimper turned into an exasperated growl and she climbed to her feet in order to send her rock flying, the furthest yet. It didn't really help, and she wasn't entirely sure why she expected it might. What did she think would happen? She'd manage throw it as far as the sun, maybe knock it out of the sky? That would solve everything. She'd succeed in destroying earth and setting the world on fire, but the werewolf also wouldn't have to worry about spending another night alone. That was an even trade off, right? No, probably not. She lowered herself to the rocks again, slumping forward. The next several minutes or so passed for her in this matter, a few rocks thrown at the ocean halfheartedly – most of them didn't even make it to the water, shattering against the shore below.

Before long, Ghost knew she wouldn't be able to put off going home any longer. Unless she was planning on staying out here all night. Maybe if the moon was bright enough, she would have given it serious consideration but with her luck, she knew the clear sky would probably disappear instantly and become a wall of solid black. She was terrified of spending another sleepless night waiting for the sun to return – but at least home it would be in familiar territory. She'd be able to scrounge up as much comfort as possible amongst her own things. Would that be enough? The night before had been frightening – for a short period of time, Ghost had managed to convince herself that morning wasn't coming at all and that she was condemned to spend the rest of her life scrambling around in the dark, calling out for friends that couldn't find her, or eventually decided they didn't even want to answer. The skinny female spent several hours tucked away in a far corner, the blanket she and Zane had slept on wrapped around her shoulder as she rocked and and forth, struggling to maintain steady breaths. Eventually the sun did rise, light creeping through the windows and falling across her grateful face as she collapsed against the wall, her panting giving way to relieved sobs. Her hitching breaths eventually gave way to a more even pattern as she finally managed to fall into a troubled sleep, waking hours after noon, shaken but alive. Could she take another night like that? What were her options? Even if she had no intention of attempting to sleep, the thought of spending the night in her cabin alone still horrified her.

Ghost heaved another great sigh, bringing her hands to her face. She rubbed at her eyes, hard and furious as though she could pull at the shame that threatened to eat her alive. She knew just what she needed to do, and while the thought of it made her stomach churn with guilt, Ghost knew she was doing it anyway: it was essential for her survival. Another peek at the horizon told the wolf that she had a little ways to go before she'd have to present herself at Dahmer and Sherlock's door. Dahmer would welcome her with a giant hug and understanding smile. And Sherlock – hell, she'd probably be a lot more welcoming now than she ever was. Especially after the whole drug fiasco. But somehow that made things even worse – Ghost wanted to feel as though she was someone strong enough to handle Sherlock's doubt or scorn. A part of her felt like she'd be okay if she was someone worthy of Sherlock's respect. If she was strong enough to earn that, then she'd be strong enough to survive losing Zane. Then again....maybe Sherlock's pity was her greatest advantage right now – she did look pretty fucking pathetic. If Ghost told Sherlock about her sleepless nights, maybe the scientist would be willing to give her some more of that drug – an entire night of oblivion would be amazing right about now. She was sure that Sherlock hadn't had any other participants when it came to testing that stuff out. Maybe she still needed some data? It would definitely make her feel a lot less like a loser for spending the night and asking for help. She'd actually be helping out in a way.

That made the prospect of showing up at their place feel a little less like defeat and not nearly as embarrassing – Ghost was finally able to get to her feet once again. She held the remaining six or so rocks in her right hand, and she cradled them and her arm against her side, unwilling to let any of them fall. The skinny female faced the ocean, her eyes narrowed slightly as the last of the sun's light fell behind what few clouds blotted the sky. She chucked a couple as hard she could, watching with satisfaction as they sliced into the waves. The young orphan was about to finally turn back in order to climb down and make her way to her friends' when a noise caught her attention. Her head whipped around, ears and nose working furiously to locate the source. When Ghost finally did, a soft gasp huffed from her chest. She could just barely see him there – his nervous greeting calling out to her from over the rocks, but it was Zane. The encroaching darkness almost made her miss his smile, but there it was: knocking the wind out of her once again. Her eyes filled instantly will tears and she hated herself for being like this – Ghost didn't want Zane to see how badly she was doing. She didn't want him to feel bad. The fact that he was here at all was a miracle of sorts...and if she managed to scare him away again, well she knew she'd never forgive herself.

There was a loud noise as the rocks that were in her arm fell to her feet, and she absolutely started, struggling to keep her balance for several seconds before giving in entirely and falling to her knees. How stupid could she be? She shook her head in disgust, unable to bring her gaze upon him again. Instead the female focused on gathering the rocks around her again, piling them one by one. She focused intently as if it was the most important task in the world, managing to answer her former friend after a few moments. Zane. Hi. She would have said more – a million things, every single one more important than the next, but her words failed her. The two syllables she did manage were ragged and cracked, sounding as broken as the one voicing them. So instead she swept each rock off the edge of the cliff, listening to them clatter against the boulders below. She imagined walking along the shore all tomorrow morning until she was able to find their remains spread out along the coast, shattered and broken: just like the one who sent them there.
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Re: late this afternoon i heard your voice, for the first time in what felt like years

Post  zane tialys on Sun Oct 19, 2014 12:10 am


BAAAHHHHH



By the time the large male had situated himself several paces away from Ghost the sun was getting close to set, leaving the two wolves in the dim dusk light. It didn’t take long for Ghost to whip her head around after the words left Zane’s mouth; in fact, she whipped it around so quickly that it wouldn’t have surprised Zane if the white female had heard him on his inhaled breath. He had assumed that his presence was going to be a shock and although he wasn’t sure what Ghost’s reaction was going to be, he surely didn’t expect this. But really, what had he expected? Ghost throwing herself at him, a wagging tail, her throwing confetti? Certainly not this, but the question remained was it because Ghost didn’t want to see him or hadn’t expected to see him? Instead he had watched as the rocks she had held cradled in her arms dropped loudly on the ground, obviously startling his dear friend. That reaction was fine, it was the collection of the fallen rocks and purposely not looking at him that pulled at his stomach.

Finally, after all of the rocks were piled neatly in front of her, Ghost spoke but instead of putting the young wolf at ease, it churned his stomach even more. Her cracked two worded response spoke a lifetime of stories, each one making Zane feel terrible for not trying harder. They spoke of heartache and loneliness, of cruel isolation, of fear of abandonment, and, although the large male wouldn’t know until later, most of all they spoke of a betrayal that stemmed from a huge misunderstanding. He wondered if he had just stayed that morning weeks ago and waited for Ghost to return, if things would have turned out the same.

The nervous smile disappeared from Zane’s face as he sat frozen, watching his friend as she pushed rock after rock over the cliff. It seemed like he sat there for a hundred lifetimes for each rock that fell silently, until he couldn’t take the silence anymore. Zane picked himself up and crossed the abyss between them, hoping against hope that she wouldn’t withdraw from him invading her space. With his heart in his throat he reached his paw up beneath Ghost’s chin and gently lifted it up so that they finally made eye contact. In the last of the dying light, Zane was finally able to make out Ghost’s face; it had been both too dark and he had been too far away to have caught them, but with Ghost’s face angled upward in his paw, Zane was able to make out Ghost’s watery eyes. The sight of the tears made the small joke die on Zane’s lips; it would have seemed inappropriate in its attempt to break the tension.

Without even thinking about it, Zane slowly raised his other paw towards Ghost’s face, allowing her time to pull away if she so desired before he gently cupped her face. His face softened as his fingers gently wiped away the tears that fell from her eyes, Don’t cry, Jane. Don’t cry.
He now knew by looking at her that what he had felt like during the last few weeks was nothing compared to what Ghost had gone through. The tri-coloured male felt terribly guilty, knowing now that if he had swallowed his fears earlier he could have saved Ghost from so much pain. It was in that frozen moment that Zane vowed that he would fix this, one way or another.

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Re: late this afternoon i heard your voice, for the first time in what felt like years

Post  oo ghost on Fri Nov 21, 2014 10:52 pm


....I couldn't even read this in order to edit it, lmfao.


Back in the dim lightning of her cottage, the distance that had fallen away between the two of them felt as though its length was immeasurable. She felt as thought finding a quantifying answer would be impossible. But here in the gathering dusk with his gaze on hers, the distance felt horrifying and vast. She didn't know how to cross it. What if they had both left this thing for too long? What if it was too late for everything to be fixed? The skinny female was absolutely wretched. Moments ago, Zane was the one she had wanted to see more than anything in the world. And now that he was here, drawing closer and closer, the damaged female was desperate to be anywhere else in the world. It wasn't him – it wasn't Zane's fault at all. Ghost just couldn't trust herself not to make things worse. So when he lowered himself to the ground a little ways from her, Ghost couldn't help but shrink away from him. She shuffled backwards slightly, keeping her gaze fused to the few remaining rocks in her possession. If saying more than two words to him was difficult for her, maintaining any amount of eye contact was impossible. All she could do was cower in defeat before him, a pathetic new low. She had thought that spending the night at Sherlock and Dahmer's was going to be her rock bottom – yet here she was, on an entirely new level. At what point did she become an expert with a shovel?

The silence between the two was astonishingly painful, almost an entire entity on its own. Ghost resumed pushing her rocks off and into the darkness below. Still unable to look at him directly, she felt rather than saw the male still his movements. He appeared to become transfixed with something, falling completely silent for some amount of time. Ghost continued her practiced movements, stealing a peek at her surroundings here and there. What was he watching? Was there something on the horizon? The malnourished wolf shifted slightly on the spot, struggling to get eyes on whatever it was that had his attention.
 A soft sigh hissed from between her teeth as she gave up on her subterfuge. She only had two or three rocks left, and then what was she going to do? Offer him an apologetic smile, maybe with a nice regretful shake of the head before slinking off into the night? She knew that if the two of them parted ways tonight without talking at all, whatever it was the two of them had between each other – whatever remained would be gone for good. She knew that with perfect certainty. And while that knowledge knocked the breath out of her, she was still frozen in fear. She couldn't spur herself in any way at all – to look at him, speak to him.

And then her cowardice didn't matter – one moment Zane was stock still, sitting somewhere behind her and the next – there he was. He moved deliberately, every shift and shuffle slow and steady, as though he was determined not to startle her. As if she was fragile – something dangerously close to breaking. Ghost's initial response was to freeze completely, her wide eyes finally finding it possible to settle on his form. He leaned in closer and as his scent overwhelmed her, Ghost found herself suddenly assaulted with what felt like a million memories. She breathed in sharply, her chest hitching as Zane reached out toward her. She recoiled automatically as his hand drew closer. She was about to cringe even further away, but Zane remained steadfast and reached further still, until his paw rested gently beneath her chin. As soon as Zane's paw made contact, half of the battle was over for Ghost. A part of her mind still thought of making some sort of escape, but the majority of her feelings were determined to stay put. Fear still caused her to fight a little as he lifted her face, but as soon as her gaze finally fell on his, the rest of the fight went out of her. The second the two made eye contact, Ghost's shaking stopped and she struggled to remain upright. She tried to blink away her tears, but found it impossible to break from his gaze, even for a second. She continued to watch him intently, detecting a hint of humour in his eyes before it seemed to melt away entirely. For a second it looked as thought he was going to say something, but instead his eyes filled with compassion. The large male pulled himself closer, bringing his other hand up to cup her face. His large paw pads brushed away her tears, and she found herself leaning into his arms. Don't cry, Jane. Don't cry. Ghost took in a deep and shuddering breath as the she struggled to follow his request.  It was difficult for her to think clearly, but she knew she had to speak. It would have been so easy to just give in and stay like this forever without saying anything. But she had to know – his answer would determine where they'd go from here.

Her words were whispered haltingly, cracking and broken. It took a Herculean effort to get them out, but sure enough she managed. Why did you leave me alone? Those six words throbbed with pain and uncertainty, easily displaying the pain she'd been fighting against for the past several weeks. As soon as she gave the words up, Ghost wished desperately that she could call them back. She was afraid of his answer. What if it ended up being the last and final wedge to come between them? She didn't think it would be possible for her to make it out of here unless it was with him. She had survived him leaving her once before, but Ghost was positive she wouldn't make it after a second time.                                
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Re: late this afternoon i heard your voice, for the first time in what felt like years

Post  zane tialys on Sun Jan 18, 2015 12:50 am


-hides head in sand-



He wasn’t sure how the pair of wolves had gotten in to this awkward situation. They had gone from spending hours with each other on a daily basis, to going to nearly two weeks of no contact, besides the occasional random scent. Zane felt extremely guilty for not planting himself in front of Ghost’s door during those times he had sought her out- even more now that he saw how poorly she looked. As he looked into Ghost’s eyes, he could see the tears that still threatened to spill over and he had an unpleasant that he was to blame for them. If that was the case, if he was the cause of those tears, then the large male vowed to make it up to Ghost anyway that he could.

He wasn’t sure if time had stopped or if the pair had just lost themselves in the moment, but the silence between them seemed to last a lifetime until Ghost broke it, her quietly broken words reaching his ears. Her words held so much pain in them that they caught Zane by surprise and he could have almost sworn his heart ached in sympathy.  He let his hands drop from Ghost’s face, missing that simple connection almost immediately. The large male didn’t need Ghost to explain what she was referring to, knowing immediately that she was referring to the morning after the disastrous storm.

I didn’t mean to. Had I known that you had wanted me to stay, I would have stayed. I just… I woke up and you were gone. He paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts as he realized how wrong he had been. His misunderstanding had caused both of them so much pain, but his pain seemed to be so incredibly miniscule compared to Ghost’s. I thought maybe you didn’t want me to be there and so I left. And for that, I’m sorry. If I could go back and make myself stay, I would do it in a heartbeat. I didn’t make the choice lightly, and I did go try to find you on several occasions but… I think that maybe I was just arriving when you weren’t there.

Zane paused again, wondering if he had said enough or if he should say something else- but almost before the thought entered his mind, he knew he should say more, Ghost deserved that. I am incredibly sorry, Jane. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think about you and miss you. You were like this missing limb and the days just didn’t feel right when I didn’t get to see you. I’ll have to live with the regret of my decision, but I hope you can forgive me for the pain that I’ve caused you… that I’ve caused both of us. Thinking about the advice Dahmer had given him, Zane ploughed right on through, finally giving voice to the thoughts that had been one of the main reasons he had wanted to talk to Ghost in the first place. I hope you can forgive me, because I care for you, Jane, I care a lot about you.

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Re: late this afternoon i heard your voice, for the first time in what felt like years

Post  oo ghost on Mon Mar 02, 2015 11:12 pm


Oh my GOD this drones on. And is emo as fuck.
 It was a little ridiculous – as painful and upsetting as this situation was for Ghost, she was perfectly willing to admit that she'd take this over the previous radio silence she had suffered through these past few weeks. It was a glimpse at just how deep her feelings went for him and it certainly showed just how afraid the young wolf was of being left alone again. She was struck with the knowledge of just how fragile all of this was. Their friendship was the most important thing to her – and all of it came about as a result of chance, simple coincidences. What if she hadn't managed to summon enough courage to leave her cave in the first place? If she had've headed east instead of west when she first took off? Dahmer, Zane...even Sherlock – all of those friendships would never have happened. Ghost knew that she wouldn't have ever been able to miss something she never had – but the thought of wandering around aimlessly for months, even years without ever meeting someone, without ever meeting them terrified her.
 
And even now everything was left up to chance – it was possible to lose it all as a result of circumstance and bad timing. The young wolf managed to beat the odds that had been stacked up against her – she found a place to call home, others who loved and protected her and who she loved back. Hell, she was even beginning to feel completely safe alone in her home at night. Well. Before this whole thing. Things had certainly been looking up for Ghost – and then bad timing and an unfortunate jump to conclusions on both sides tore everything apart. If Ghost had've waited just a few minutes until Zane woke up before running off to get breakfast, or if Zane waited just a little longer before leaving the cottage after waking alone – all of it could have been avoided. All this pain would never have been caused. Then they kept missing each other over the weeks, coming within minutes of meeting but always managing to be just a little too late. It scared Ghost to her very core. The entirety of their relationship was just a bunch of chance meetings and missed connections. They put themselves out there, just hoping to connect to another in some way, and half the time everything fell short. How did anyone manage to live like this? The concept and idea of what could have been versus what actually was... she couldn't imagine a lifetime of that. Was it worth it? Or was she better off alone? She'd never manage to forge any connections, but she also wouldn't leave herself open to being hurt like this. Wasn't that a better existence? It seemed like the more sensible option...until she happened to glance up at Zane. And just by chance, he was seeking her gaze as well. For a moment or so, their eyes met and Ghost was completely lost in him completely. Their connection was worth any pain she'd ever have to put up with, just as long as she could have this.

He began to speak and Ghost had to pull herself together in order to listen. Minutes ago she had assumed that no explanation could possibly justify what she went through. And any apology he could offer her would just be a band-aid covering a bullet hole. But now it didn't matter – as long as they could be Zane and Jane again, she knew things would turn out okay. Sometimes everything would still suck, and she had a long, long way to go. But with Zane there to be her friend, or even more – at this point she'd take anything he was willing to give her, amiable acquaintances, even. As long as she had him in her life in some capacity, she'd find her way. She felt she was strong enough to not ask too much of him. But when he spoke about how he cared for her, her resolve crumbled completely. Ghost jerked her head upward as she registered those words, she managed to catch his eye for a second before losing her nerve and casting her gaze downwards once again. All of this really was impossible, wasn't it? She made so many promises to herself, to him – and every time it seemed she was incapable of keeping even the smallest one when it came to establishing limits on her expectations. It didn't matter how hard she tried – she was always going to let him down in one way or another.

A defeated sigh escaped her lips and Ghost hunched in on herself. It was taking everything she had to keep her standing here – a very large and cowardly part of her was desperate for escape. How pathetic was that? But she was determined and after a few moments of silence, Ghost managed to steel her resolve. She took a deep breath and looked upwards, not quite able to meet his eyes. Of course I forgive you, Zane. Water under the bridge. We're friends, right? Ghost offered a small, heartbreaking smile before it broke and she had to turn away. Her words were quiet and sad, and heavy with the implication of what she wanted to say, but couldn't gather the courage to voice. The emphasis she put on the word 'friends' spoke clearly of how much that wasn't enough for her. She would have spoken about how much she cared for him as well, but knew she wouldn't be able to speak only of friendship. That was impossible for her, and she was too much of a coward anyhow. Sometimes Ghost really hated herself.
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Re: late this afternoon i heard your voice, for the first time in what felt like years

Post  zane tialys on Sat Mar 07, 2015 10:24 pm


This is full of nothing but run on sentences, lmfao.



Zane knew that life was full of constant ups and downs, a real emotional rollercoaster and it could knock you right off your feet if you let it. It had happened several times before but each time Zane had found a reason to keep on going, first so he could look after Arya after their mother’s death, and then the urge to keep living for Arya had pushed him forward which had ultimately resulted in the random chance of running, quite literally, into Ghost. Little did she know that, even though Zane had had a paw in saving Ghost, she had saved him just as much. Meeting Ghost had given Zane another reason to keep going aside from just self-preservation, he had grown to look forward to even just the remote chance of bumping into her, to spending any amount of time with her, and eventually had fallen head over heels for her and after taking in everything he had seen and heard today, he was beginning to think that she had fallen just as hard.

His heart twinged painfully at her words, both grateful that she could forgive him of his grave misunderstanding those many days ago and slightly discourage at her just referring to them as friends when he wished that they could be so much more- that he wanted to be so much more. Although Zane watched as Ghost couldn’t keep eye contact with him after that, heard the sadness in her words and the pain that she had obviously kept inside for far too long. The large male knew what he wanted to say, that he wanted to take that leap and plunge into the unknown with Ghost by his side, suspected and hoped that she wanted the same thing as he did. He had evidence to back up his hopes though, it was in the way she couldn’t keep eye contact the moment he spoke about how he cared for her, as if she couldn’t allow herself to believe it to be true, that he could return the feelings she felt deep within, and didn’t want her hope to slip through her eyes. But if Zane was wrong, then he could just make this awkward and painful situation they were in so much worse. It would have been so easy to not say anything though, just in case he was wrong, to just allow the two of them to slowly ease back into the friendship that had grown between them within the last few months and let them find their rhythm.

So instead of saying the easy thing, the safe thing, Zane spoke what was in his heart, what had been there for quite some time. I’m really glad that you can forgive me and you still consider us friends but… He paused a moment to clear his throat, his heart beating madly in his chest as he pushed forward. But, I was.. I was hoping that we could be more than just that. More than just friends, I mean. There. The words were out there and he hoped to God that he had read Ghost’s emotions correctly and hadn’t just screwed everything up again.

If he had the talent of observation and deductions like Sherlock did, Zane would be completely convinced that Ghost felt the same as he did. It was all in the way she looked at him, how her pale eyes would dilate just so, how she just seemed to glow whenever they spent time together. It was the same way that Zane reacted when he saw Ghost and though it had taken a while for him to realize his feelings for her, once he figured them out it was all he could think about. It was the strong conviction of those feelings that made him realize that he would do anything for the alabaster wolf, that he would fight tooth and nail to keep her safe and happy and if that meant that he would put himself out there emotionally, so be it.

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Re: late this afternoon i heard your voice, for the first time in what felt like years

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