i'm having a horrible time pulling myself together.
i'm having a horrible time pulling myself together.
She was afraid to stop running. Even if it didn't matter – Ghost had been traveling nonstop for days now. She was well out of her mother's reach now. No one could touch her. No one could hurt her. But just as a lifetime of being hidden away gave her the instinct for keeping out of sight, her constant fear continued to feed the panic that spurred her paws forward. It was her only companion and as a result, Ghost had learned to listen to it, whether it was ever warranted or not. Jahre (and it was Jahre to her, not mom) never exactly said why it was important for the child to stay hidden, but she was always desperately insistent. She was a ghost. She could not be seen. Which was odd – if she was a ghost who couldn't be seen, what was the point of staying hidden in her cave so far away from anyone else? It was true that Jahre could see her just fine, and the young wolf was never exactly sure why that was. What she did know is the way the older wolf looked whenever she reiterated the well known words that condemned Ghost from the outside world. Ghost was never quite sure how she felt about her mother – as a being who took care of her in the most basic means and nothing more. In spite of all this, the female did know that she was being told the truth when it came to the danger she could be in if she was seen. So she stayed.
She stayed for as long as she possibly could, overriding every instinct that told her to flee. Even when her stunted bones ached from crouching and her pale eyes yearned to see more than dim cave walls, Ghost Oriel forced herself to continue to lay low. And every whiff of fresh air that wafted into her hiding place tugged tantalizingly at her nose, a soft and muted whine slipping from between clenched teeth. She was told to stay. She had to. Her existence counted on that. And yet.....and yet, what kind of existence was a life spent in the dark? Whenever she did get a taste of the outside world, it was just a miniscule example of all that she was missing. She couldn't enjoy any of it. She spent her days alone in her thoughts, creating worlds inside her head, places she could escape to. She lived for the days when Jahre would take her outside for short trips. But none of it was enough. She endured a year and a half of this existence before finally committing herself to the ultimate decision. Her thoughts turned from worlds created in her imagination and onto the one right outside. She plotted. Gathered courage and waited. Finally, she moved.
Her pale form swept across the terrain, low to the ground and unsteady in its gait. She moved awkwardly, stumbling often over rocks and fallen trees. It was ironic, in a way – she had waited so long to be out in this world, yearning just to see more of it. And the young wolf couldn't bring herself to slow down enough to enjoy the sights. She had finally rid herself of that dark, horrible cave – the thing that she'd been afraid of all her life. And now as she fled, she found herself wishing she could huddle down within it, allowing its darkness to envelop her. It kept her safe. Out here, she was exposed and at risk. Jahre wasn't here to help her. She couldn't offer any advice, or at the very least – chasten Ghost with her usual refrain about keeping safe and quiet.
The young female traveled like this for days, stopping only when her muscles refused to let her move and further, collapsing whenever her legs gave out. She would whimper quietly to herself, her noises ringing loud in her own ears. She felt like a sitting duck, so exposed and so very afraid. Before she fell into troubled sleep, Ghost would drag herself to the nearest shelter she could find. She kept her eyes out for caves, preferring them over any other place to sleep. If she was in better shape and able to think clearly, the young female would have found the irony hysterical. This whole thing was supposed to be about escaping from her old prison, stepping out of the darkness and being reborn into the light – blah blah blah – and now she missed that horrible place. It offered her the only type of comfort she'd ever known. It was Stockholm Syndrome in the most awful way.
When she wasn't sleeping off her exhaustion, the female spent her time searching for food. Jahre had always brought her food, always the bare minimum to keep her alive. Ghost was never sure whether this was purpose abuse, or simply an attempt to keep others in the dark. If a wolf was taking more than their share - that would be noticed and questioned. Her mother used to make vague promises about teaching Ghost to catch food herself, but they were just that. Simple phrases and offers that were just that: something to distract and keep her wishes at bay. If it was going to happen sometime in the future Ghost didn't have to worry about it just then. But that was the problem with future promises – she sure as hell was worrying about those lessons now! It was impossible for the wolf to catch herself anything to eat. She wasn't even sure how she was supposed to go about doing it. Maybe if she actually got herself into the situation, instinct would take over – but Ghost didn't even know how to find the animals she needed to hunt! For the last few days she had managed to find scraps here and there – even managing to score a kill that had been abandoned for whatever reason. She'd rushed forward gratefully, eating until it felt as though her stomach might burst. For the first time she could ever remember, Ghost Oriel went to bed experiencing the satisfaction of a full belly.
Now – the trees blurred around her as she ran, an imposing wall of green that surrounded her. Her pale form faltered as she stumbled over a log. Her front legs crumpled and the air was forced out of her lungs. All was silent for a moment as she lay where she was, struggling to breathe easy. Her eyes rolled upward as she gazed at the canopy of trees above her. She listened as the sound of the forest quickly return to normal, animals returning to their own business. Ghost caught her breath again and slowly eased herself to he feet. Her legs were gangly and tall – supporting a frame that was merely skin and bones, her fur matted and unclean. It looked as though this pathetic creature was about to admire the view around her – finally take a break, maybe enjoy the afternoon. But the snapping of a branch elsewhere in the forest spooked her – a frightened ghost; and the wolf took off again.
oo ghost- Posts : 24
Join date : 2013-08-06
Re: i'm having a horrible time pulling myself together.
ALSO PRETEND THIS IS UNDER ZANE'S PROFILE BECAUSE IT WON'T BLOODY LET ME REPLY WITH IT
Things had been tense for a while, and really Zane shouldn’t have been surprised by what had happened. In fact, he really should have seen it coming and he felt guilty as hell. The thing was, Merrick and Zane had never gotten along, especially after Merrick had become quite ill with a fever that had claimed their mother’s life when they were six months old. His father, already overcome with grief of the loss of his mate, had thought that his son wouldn’t make it, yet miraculously he had pulled through; he, however, was forever changed. There was a crazed look in his eyes that their father neglected to see; after all, who wanted to see the worst in one of their children? Their grief stricken father tried to do the best he could, but it was clear to Zane that he was going to have to step up and help look after the family.
Arya was the runt of the small litter and had always held a special place in Zane’s heart; especially after their mother had passed away, because Arya reminded Zane so much of their mother, both in personality and appearances. The two of them were inseparable and did everything together and it had only intensified after they had lost their mother; this relationship only seemed to infuriate Merrick. Merrick, on the other hand, had always been an odd pup, but when he had recovered from his fever, his personality had grew even more spiteful and cruel. He took pleasure in others sufferings and didn’t try to hide it. In his grief, their father neglected to notice anything was amiss. However, the thing that worried Zane the most, was the way Merrick looked at their sister. It was the look he would get when he was getting ready for a hunt and it put Zane on edge.
For eight long and stressful months, Zane tried to keep Arya away from Merrick. He was mostly successful, but there were times where he’d have to leave her alone and Merrick would strike. At first it would start small, snide comments that were as sharp as knives but then things would escalate- he’d start to flat out attack her, pleading to their father that they were merely rough housing when he was confronted, who was quick to take his side. He’d look at Zane at these times and give him such a disappointed look, like somehow it was his fault, no matter how much Arya argued that it was all Merrick’s doing. Although this left him bitter, Zane would square his shoulders and vow not to let it happen again.
No matter how much he tried, though, Merrick would always figure out ways to get to Arya, knowing that it was the best way to hurt his brother. While their father was away for a few days, doing god knows what, Zane had gone for a run to get rid of some pent up energy. He figured he was safe to do so, since Merrick hadn’t been seen for a day himself. Upon his arrival back to their territory, the first thing that Zane noticed was the heavy scent of copper that filled the air- like someone had just recently brought back a kill. He was immediately on edge, but deep down, he thought that maybe, maybe their father was returning to them and was actually being the parent he was supposed to be. However, what greeted his sight- his sister, laying still on the ground, her brown fur turned black with her blood.
His mind froze for a second before he rushed towards her, nudging her with his muzzle whispering a litany of no, no, nononononononono. She was supposed to have been safe. How could he have made such a fatal error, which had cost her her life? He was supposed to have protected her! A snap of a twig brought Zane out of his grief stricken thoughts and he quickly turned around to see Merrick saunter in, his black muzzle even darker with the stain of dried blood. He flashed a cruel smile, his teeth baring for Zane to see- in that moment, Zane didn’t even have to ask what had happened, it was written all over Merrick’s face.
In a flash of rage, Zane threw himself at his larger sibling, snapping and snarling and trying to inflict as much damage as he could. The fight ended fairly quickly, with Merrick on top of Zane, his jaws wrapped firmly around his throat. His muzzle stung from three large gashes as he lay on the ground, panting heavily as he waited for his brother to end it. However, to his surprise Merrick let go and stepped away. Not bad, little brother, he had muttered as he stopped a few feet away from the still body of Arya. Killing you would be so easy, but I think knowing you were suffering would be a much better payoff, don’t you think? What will daddy dearest think when he sees poor Arya? He’ll blame you, you know, because you weren’t here to protect her. Or maybe he’ll think you did it. Resentment over having had to look after her all this time, for not getting the recognition he should have been giving you, maybe? Why don’t you just do us both a favour, Zane, and leave. If you don’t, I promise you I will kill you.
Zane laid there for a silent moment, going over his options: he could attack his larger brother again, but he doubted he’d fare any better than his previous attempt, or, like the old cliché saying, he could run and live to fight another day. He felt terrible even doing it, thinking that he was failing Arya (even more than what he had already), but with a grief filled snarl, Zane ran. He ran like hell.
That had been a few months back, and while he had been plagued with the grief of losing his sister, he had been slowly getting better; mostly, he made himself look at the bright side of things and refused to become like his father. He was so used to looking after his family that he was at a loss as to where to go or what to do, but he was finally away from the suffocating fear that his brother caused. He was still riddled with guilt and grief, but he kept telling himself that Arya wouldn’t have wanted him to become like their father.
For every mile he put behind him, he hoped to feel better. It sort of worked, but some days were definitely harder than others. Today, however, was a good day. He found himself deep in a strange forest, full of lush trees and wildlife. At the sight of some fleeing rabbits, it occurred to the large male that he hadn’t eaten in a while. He narrowed his eyes in the direction of the fleeing rabbits and made up his mind- after he finished his run, he’d go hunting.
The trees blurred by as he ran, not caring that he was making a racket and scaring off all of the wildlife; after all, he had plenty of time to hunt and he wasn’t all that hungry at the moment anyways. With his tongue lolling to the side as he ran, Zane took a sharp right that he came to regret as he came almost immediately upon a moving white figure in the opposite direction. In an attempt to not have a head on collision, Zane threw himself bodily to the right, unfortunately catching the stranger at the last second sending them both tumbling to the forest ground.
The fall caused all of the air to escape Zane’s lungs and it took a moment for him to catch his breath before he could pick himself up. With a quick shake of his fur, he turned around and looked at the wolf he had collided with. I am so sorry! I hope I didn’t hurt you.
sherlock holmes- Admin
- Posts : 23
Join date : 2013-08-05
Re: i'm having a horrible time pulling myself together.
She hadn't even seen him coming. For a few frantic seconds, Ghost didn't know who or what had hit her. Panic coursed through her veins and she struggled to make sense of what was happening. How was it even possible?! She'd been running along, spooked by the noise from earlier – and positive she was running in the direction away from danger. And then out of nowhere, the pallid female was knocked off her feet. A horrified noise whistled from between her teeth, a pathetic cross between a wheeze and a gasp of fear. She had no idea how this was happening. Why this was happening. Then came the most astounding occurrence of all – the wolf who she collided with addressed her. Ghost's wheezing fell silent and she scrambled to her oversized paws, backpedaling wildly. Her eyes were wide with disbelief and she found herself unable to look the male in his eyes. If she hadn't been so afraid for her life, the whole situation may have been funny. Maybe it even was from his perspective. As for Ghost, she was trying to reconcile the last year and a half of her life with this new situation. Either this guy was someone like Jahre, or Ghost's mother was a big fat liar. The young female didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to react. Dimly, she was aware of what the stranger had said – an earnest apology blatant with remorse. Ghost's ears twisted as she considered these words – a nice summary of her life so far. Sorry. Without any warning, a hysterical laugh erupted from her chest. She fell backwards, still off balance and her impact with the ground punctuated that off kilter giggle. Maybe she wasn't okay. Did she have brain damage?
It took Ghost a few moments to gather herself enough in order to reign in her laughter. A moment or two more and suddenly she was very grave indeed. A shadow overcame the female's pale blue eyes and she glanced uncertainly at the wolf before him. Now that she was almost over her initial befuddlement, Ghost found herself capable of looking directly at the male. He was an attractive mixture of grays and browns, solid looking. What she noticed most though, was the air of kindness that the other wolf seemed infused with. As if it was his nature. He was large – massive to her. Then again, this fellow was only the second wolf Ghost had ever seen in her life, so she wasn't exactly sure how big others would consider him. To her though, he was a giant. She took a deep, shuddering breath and finally managed to make eye contact – if only for a second. She wasn't entirely sure why, but she liked what she saw. His eyes were a warm gold, a hue that reminded her of comfort and safety. It was a struggle to look away, but eventually she did – her nerves overriding her sudden fascination.
A little over five minutes had passed and Ghost had yet to say anything. A part of her wondered if she even should....or even could. It was all so confusing for her – and Ghost had already started her day feeling very lost. Was this even happening? Or had she finally cracked? It was bound to happen, wasn't it? After all, if you spent all your time alone wouldn't it make sense for your mind to attempt some kind of coping mechanism? How could she even be sure that this wolf before her was real? He was probably a figment of her desperate imagination. She had probably run into a tree or something and this was all a result of a very painful concussion. So what happened now? It felt rude to ignore the stranger...but wasn't that the difference between sanity and craziness? The hallucination could speak to her all it wanted. The problem only became worse when she actually answered it. That meant you were effectively talking to yourself. Then again, how was that any different from her usual days? She'd spent so much time alone, her only option was to speak out loud to herself or not use her voice at all for up to weeks. And was this so bad? At least it was a change from everything else. She'd take a figment of her imagination over the crippling loneliness any day. That being said, she still had to address what exactly happened. How it happened. Real or not, she hoped that this guy would have answers to her awkwardly put questions.
The gangly wolf propped herself up again, slouching slightly in order to hide her pathetic state. Jahre used to complain about how bad Ghost looked all the time. And the young female could never understand why – she would complain and cast aspersions while conveniently ignoring the fact that it was all her doing. Ghost wasn't entirely sure how she was supposed to look, but she knew she was a far cry from Jahre's shape, not to mention the fellow in front of her now. She really was a pathetic sight. She was embarrassed. Her gaunt face turned up to his and finally Ghost found herself able to speak. How.....how can you see me? I don't understand. Her words were soft and uncertain and the last sentence was heavy with sadness and defeat. She was so lost in this world; so completely out of her depth. She didn't know the first thing about surviving in it. Maybe this stranger could help. She saw him as a lifeline amongst the stormy seas. The female fell silent and waited for an answer, trying very hard not to cry.
oo ghost- Posts : 24
Join date : 2013-08-06